The holidays. They say it’s a joyous time for family, feasts, and festive cheer. But, if you’re in recovery, it can be a time for navigating the treacherous waters of the “Holiday Bermuda Triangle.” The Bermuda Triangle, a term coined in the rooms of AA, consists of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s. Three back-to-back points on the calendar that can feel like an abyss for those in recovery, pulling us in with family drama, bleeding wallets, and plenty of social pressure to “let loose.”
Holiday’s aside, it can be a tough time of year — period. For many of us in the northern hemisphere, it’s getting dark at 3pm and it’s brick cold. On top of the bleak time of year, the holiday anxiety comes creeping in and now there’s deadline gift buying, the dread of attending or planning parties, many have to travel, we all have FAMILY commitments, and booze is literally everywhere. It all can feel pretty overwhelming.
But, you can survive the Bermuda Triangle sober. With the right tools, you can sail straight through this sometimes stormy season and make it to dry January unscathed. The key to surviving the Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Bermuda Triangle? Staying anchored. Below are some tips to help you navigate the holiday trifecta with your recovery intact.
Create time boundaries
Decide how long you want to stay at a holiday event or family party before you get there. You don’t have to stay the entire time. We’ve found that a tolerable window is usually two to three hours, but make it 15 minutes if that’s what you need to do. If you end up having a good time, you can stay longer. But if you are suffering, knowing that you only have a specific amount of time left to endure can help put your mind at ease.
Take the pressure off
While holidays can feel very big, they’re really just another day. Just like every other day you have survived sober thus far, you will get through this one, too. Starting the day off with meditation and affirmations can help get your head on straight, and keeping it simple can take the enormity out of the day ahead. All you have to do successfully is just not drink or pick up. Everything else that happens really isn’t that important.
Stay busy
Finding serenity and peace is a big part of recovery, but if you’re feeling triggered at a holiday event, it’s fine to get busy. Offer to help cook or clean, take the family dog for a walk, help with the kids — do anything but sit and stare at the champagne Aunt Mary is downing. When you move a muscle, you can change a thought, so if you are sitting in a puddle of sour feelings, get up and do something to help snap yourself out of it.
Lean on support
If you have friends or family that know what you are going through, enlist their help. Ask someone if you can “bookend” with them, which means calling or texting them right before and after an event. You can also take breaks throughout your event to check in with them. Use your support system and let them know you need help.
Disappear for a bit
Surviving the holidays sober sometimes requires bowing out for quick breathers during parties or family gatherings. Whether you go outside for air or simply escape to a vacant room, no one will notice you are gone. Taking a time out is often a useful tool in recovery because it gives us space to recharge. It also helps break up the time, so if need be, make multiple disappearing acts throughout the night.
Keep a (non-alcoholic) drink in your hand
Prior to getting sober, some of us often kept a drink in hand at all times. So in sobriety, always having a drink in hand can provide a sense of comfort — particularly early on in recovery. If you have a preferred non-alcoholic drink, bring it with you and keep one in your hand. If you find that you are drinking non-alcoholic drinks quickly, that’s okay, too. Sometimes, people cope with anxiety by chugging seltzers. You’re not weird.
Remember that you have options
You don’t have to do anything for the holidays, and that is something we often forget. The world won’t end if you don’t make it to grandma’s for Christmas or bail on your best friend’s New Year’s Eve party. Remember you are truly not obligated to do anything. If you are fearful that you may drink or use once you are hurled into the holiday unknown, bow out. Your health and sanity are more important than what your friends or family may be expecting of you.
Know that it gets better
If this is your first sober holiday season, please know that it gets better. Laura got sober in the month of December, just 16 days before Christmas. (Why she didn’t wait till January 1st like everyone else is another story.) Her first sober Christmas was extremely difficult and anything but fun. There was alcohol everywhere, her mother was offering her cocktails, her anxiety was on fire, and she just wanted to go home. But the holidays got easier to manage moving forward. One of the biggest healers in recovery is time. So while the holidays still can be tough, the longer you are sober, the easier it gets to get through hard things — holidays included.
Final Thoughts: The Treasure Beyond the Triangle
While the Holiday Bermuda Triangle might seem perilous, it’s also an opportunity to strengthen your recovery and redefine what the season means to you. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey—there’s a whole community of people charting a sober course right alongside you, including us here at The Wagon.
So, as you sail through this season, keep your compass pointed toward self-care, connection, and a healthy dose of humor. After all, the best treasure waiting at the end of this triangle is your continued growth, clarity, and resilience.
Safe travels and happy holidays—here’s to a sober and satisfying New Year!
Got your own Bermuda Triangle survival tips? Share them in the comments!
Laura is co-creator and writer at The Wagon. She’s written for Newsday, ran a marathon and fallen off bar stools. At 3+ years sober, she currently lives on Long Island, NY with her husband and little dog.
