Whether you're on it, off it, or somewhere in between
When I realized that I had a drinking problem, I immediately told myself I would moderate how much I drank. If I could just control my drinking, then I wouldn’t have to give it up. I told myself I would only drink on weekends, I would only go out for one beer after work, I […]
The thought of getting sober petrified me, so I continued drinking for a long time to avoid a horrifying unknown. How would I live without alcohol? I couldn’t imagine life without it and I was convinced that my life would be over if I gave it up. But that’s what being addicted to a substance […]
As I lay in bed leveled with COVID for the fifth day in a row, I am reminded of how I used to drink through illness. It didn’t matter how sick I was, I would always drink. And that’s because I drank every day, so being sick was no exception. It may be surprising to […]
For many of us who suffer from substance use disorder, everyday can start to feel the same when in active addiction. Like the movie Groundhog Day, where Phil Connors (Bill Murray) relives the same day over and over again, each day started to feel identical when I was drinking. While the circumstances of each day […]
For years I was really into journaling, writing nightly with a pen onto a bound book of beautiful empty pages. Then one day, I stopped. As far as I can figure, this occurred around the time Wi-Fi came into my life and my apartment. Instead of bringing my journal into bed with me, I brought […]
At the end of my drinking, there was no longer anything fun about being a functioning alcoholic. I had crossed over the threshold of functioning into complete alcoholic dysfunction quite quickly. Yet, I continued to fool myself into thinking I was “functioning” because I could pay my mortgage on time, look put together (at least some of the time), and hold down a job.
When it comes to my struggles with addiction, alcohol was king. From the second I caught my first buzz, alcohol became my master and I was its sloppy, drunken servant. Since I preferred to drink, drugs were never really my thing and I seldom ever sought them out for recreational use. However, if the opportunity […]
When I was in active addiction, I thought the TV show Intervention was the best thing ever. Not because I identified with or cared about any of the people I saw on the screen. Rather, it served as a wonderfully effective way to justify my drinking.